These are some of the things that happen to you while habitually generate anger. When you look through your own list of costs and benefits, you can gain a clearer picture of what you’re doing to yourself. Take a closer look on what anger can cost you, as well as the benefits (yes, benefits) you may gain from anger. One way to discover for yourself how anger defeats you is to do a cost-benefit analysis, such as the one that follows: Costs and Benefits of Anger Recognize the Costs of AngerĪ good first step in eliminating your anger is to recognize that it is often an emotional disturbance: it defeats you. And, while disliking their behavior, you may occasionally deal with it effectively, and when you don’t, you can carry on without being overly upset. Instead of making yourself angry, you can merely feel irritated and dislike the actions of others. Most anger is an emotional disturbance that can defeat you, and the actions of others do not create this state within you. Statements that contain these shoulds and damnations are of the sort of thinking that creates emotional upsets, and when you are going from wanting others to treat you nicely to believing they should, then you can easily upset yourself with anger. Look to see if you can find something like “They should not act that way” or “They’re no damn good for doing what they did.” But, that too doesn’t get you bent out of shape with anger. You’re probably telling yourself I don’t like their behavior. That response, however, is a question, and questions do not create anger. Next, ask yourself, what am I telling myself about (name the event) that gets me to feel angry? Many people answer, “Why’d they do that?” with an intense and frustrated tone of voice. You may recall an event such as someone cut you off in traffic, failed to follow through on an agreement, or treated you with disrespect. Think, what happened that I’m angry about? To discover your thinking that creates your anger, we suggest that you look for the event about which you are angry and then look for your belief about that event. Your own thinking corresponds with your anger more than the actions of others. If that were the case, there would be little you could do about your anger except to stay away from most people!įortunately, others don’t create your anger.
“They make me angry” is a common statement. People often think that other people create their anger. Reducing Your Anger in Addiction Recovery
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